Typists type...writers stare out the window.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstyle you like.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other tress make fun of it?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

Crime doesn't pay - does that mean my job is a crime?

Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

Why did Mr. and Mrs. Howell pack so much for a 3 hour tour?

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.

The brook would lose its song if you removed the rocks.

A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.

A man may make many mistakes, but is not a failure until he starts blaming someone else for them.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Love doesn't just make the world go 'round, it makes the ride worthwhile.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

"WORK" is a noun, not a verb.

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

If God had meant us to travel economy class, he would have made us narrower.

The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for us to grow sharper.

Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.

"My grandfather told me to remember two things in life. Look out for number one and remember your number." --Orville Cogswell

Millions of sperm out there and you were the fastest?

Government warning: We are corrupt and have sold out to corporate interests. Do not listen to our advice.

If you receive something that says "send this to everyone you know" PLEASE pretend you don't know me.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect Hungry.

The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little longer.

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows.

Fall down seven times, get up eight.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

My knight in shining armor is lost in the woods and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Become who you are. --Nietzsche

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Live life to the fullest -- think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert.

People are illogical, inconsiderate and self-centered. Love them any way.

Nobody cares if you dance well. Just get up and dance.

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Where are we going and what am I doing in this hand basket?

I need patience. NOW!

I don't drive fast, I fly low.

Age and knowledge don't always come together. Sometimes you just get the age.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't know you left open.

All truth goes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Then it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

A wolf in sheep's clothing needs professional help.

I'm gonna survive this crazy world, or die trying.

"Bother!" said Pooh, as the police closed in.

Stopping at third base adds no more runs than striking out.

We're not laughing AT you, we're laughing WITH you. Now, if you'd just start laughing, the whole concept would work just fine.

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see those guys way over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'" --Elayne Boosler

Your village called. Their idiot is missing.

You! Out of the gene pool!

Don't trust reality. After all, it's only a collective hunch.

Birth, life, death. Repeat as necessary.

Disclaimer: The views of my employer do not conform to my views or to any accepted standard of logic.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

You're just jealous because the voices talk to me.

Eagles may soar free and proud, but ferrets don't get sucked into jet engines.

Only when the last tree has died, and the last river has been poisoned, and the last fish been caught, will we realize that we cannot eat money.

Author Gary Zukav's answering machine message: "Please tell me who you are and what you want. And if you think those are simple questions, keep in mind that most people live their entire lives without arriving at an answer."

"Not a shred of evidence exists in the favor of the idea that life is serious." --Brendan Gill

"Everything you can imagine is real." --Pablo Picasso

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." --Ferris Bueller

"The bridges you cross before you come to them are over rivers that aren't there." --Gene Brown

"The world is its own magic." --Shunryu Suzuki

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." --Walt Disney

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

"Reality continues to ruin my life." --Calvin and Hobbes

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I chose the road less traveled and now where the heck am I?